


Crazy

by SpookyMiscreant



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: I only did the first half of the song, M/M, POV Aaron, Pining, back at it again with a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyMiscreant/pseuds/SpookyMiscreant
Summary: Kevaaron set to Crazy by Gnarls Barkley.





	Crazy

The first time Aaron thought Kevin was a raging storm he wanted to get lost in was on the Foxhole court of all places. Aaron didn’t pretend he hated Exy like his twin. Aaron was competitive and feisty and he’d be damned if Kevin Day was going to make him feel like a slacker. He was self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t as good as Matt, but he was better than Nicky. Being better than his cousin, who only played so he could stay with the twins and go to college, was not an accomplishment. It wasn’t good enough for Aaron and it sure as fuck wasn’t good enough for Kevin “Exy is life” Day.

That day had been specifically bad. Kevin was having a bad day, and that meant longer practice and ruder comments. Everyone ducked their heads and took the anger and frustration Kevin spit at them with every mistake made. They understood. Aaron did too, but enough was enough and Aaron wasn’t having a good day either. He’d woken up to the smell of pancakes and thought he was back in his room in California. He’d bounced out of bed excited to see his mom alert and happy for once before he remembered she was dead. Before he remembered she’d been gone from him long before she’d actually died.

Kevin had been specifically hard on Aaron and Neil, probably because he knew they understood the pain behind his anger. Aaron hated that he’d shared a knowing look with Neil more than he hated Kevin yelling at him. Anger was something Aaron understood. He could speak fluently in misdirected anger. He’d lived and breathed it for years, still breathed it sometimes. Aaron was learning to process his anger and frustration instead of pushing it down until he exploded. It was a slow uphill battle, but his family deserved better than Aaron had given them.

After practice Kevin had demanded that Neil and Andrew continue to practice on the home side, when Aaron made to exit the court Kevin had yelled that Aaron wasn’t allowed to leave until he’d successfully blocked Kevin. Aaron knew what he was capable of and he also knew that Kevin wasn’t going to hold back once everyone had exited the court. Kevin knew Aaron wasn’t good enough to block him when he went all out. Kevin just wanted someone who wouldn’t break under his anger and Aaron wasn’t one to back down from a challenge or from Kevin’s rage.

Kevin charged him a total of tweleve times before Aaron had had enough of failing. The thirteenth time Kevin charged him, Aaron dropped down and swiped Kevin’s legs out from underneath him. As Aaron’s leg swung out his hand shot up and he pushed with all his strength. Kevin hit the ground with a resounding thump.

The only reaction from the other side of the court was from Neil, who reminded Aaron that his defense tactic wasn’t legal before resuming his and Andrew’s practice.

Kevin had to be at least winded and Aaron’s stomach twisted as he regretted the amount of strength he’d put into the shove. He hadn’t expected the giant to drop so easily. Just as Aaron was beginning to worry he’d actually injured his friend Kevin ripped off his helmet and let out a loud, happy laugh. He sat up and flashed a bright, brilliant smile that reverberated through Aaron’s entire being.

“That’ll do I guess.” Was all Kevin said before another soft laugh escaped him.

Aaron had never seen anything so mesmerizing.

 

_I remember when_

_I remember, I remember when I lost my mind_

_There was something so pleasant about that place_

_Even your emotions have an echo in so much space_

 

Nicky was on the phone while leaning against his locker. Aaron wished he could tune out the German that rushed out of his cousin’s mouth. Even when he actively stopped his brain from translating he still subconsciously translated some words. His distaste for his cousin’s relationship used to be rooted in something dark and self-loathing. He had been working with Dr. Dobson this past year on his homophobia and his distaste for public displays of affection on top of the anger management they were already doing. He saw her almost as much as Andrew now. He was reluctant to go at first, but as with most hard to swallow truths Neil had laid everything out in a blunt and slightly rude manner. He no longer thought those hateful thoughts about his cousin and brother’s sexuality, but he still had a strong distaste for the inappropriate jokes and come-ons his cousin couldn’t seem to help himself from saying.

Aaron caught the word “suck” and decided that he could finish putting on his practice gear on the empty court. The court was not empty unfortunately. Neil, Andrew, and Kevin were standing in the middle of the court talking. Aaron did not approach them, he stood there undetected and watched the easy way Neil and Kevin talked to each other. The care-free way Kevin smiled at Andrew when he spoke. The warmth in Kevin’s green green eyes. Aaron watched and he yearned. Aaron had never felt that way. He constantly had to mentally assess his words before he spoke them, had to emotionally and physically keep his distance. Sometimes he felt like a rock in the middle of a river. His family flowed so easily together, their edges merging together to form beautiful, warm water while he was stuck with jagged edges and a hard inside just observing.

Aaron’s stomach fluttered when Kevin finally saw him leaning against the wall and smiled at him. Aaron wasn’t naïve enough to think Kevin’s fondness could last. He knew better. Everyone left. Aaron hurt everyone around him. He could never experience the quiet contentment that showed on Kevin’s face. He could never have Andrew and Neil’s love. He was too cold, too hateful. He didn’t deserve companionship and contentment. But Aaron couldn’t stop his feet from carrying him to his family when Kevin called out to him.

 

_And when you're out there, without care_

_Yeah I was out of touch_

_But it wasn't because I didn't know enough_

_I just knew too much_

 

Aaron was self-aware enough to recognize the feeling in his gut every time he saw Kevin. It was attraction. Aaron had a crush on Kevin fucking Day. His hands were shaking as he dialed Dr. Dobson’s office.

“Aaron? Do you need me?” Betsy’s warm voice floated out of his phone calming him a bit.

“Do you have an open spot today, doc?” Aaron asked, his voice only catching once.

Aaron closed his eyes and chewed on his nails while he listened to her flip through her day planner.

“Aaron, honey are you still there?” Dr. Dobson only used endearments when she knew he needed to hear them.

That’d been an uncomfortable revelation. He hadn’t realized he actually liked endearments until Dan had called him “hun” while congratulating him. He’d explained the warm feeling that had filled his chest to the best of his fumbling, awkward ability to Dr. Dobson and she’d asked him if he was okay with her using them. He hasn’t regretted consenting once since that day.

“Aaron? Sweet pea I can squeeze you in in an hour. Can you wait till then?” Her voice was more calming than he thought it ever could be.

He managed to croak out an affirmative sound before hanging up.

Aaron was startled by his alarm going off. He’d somehow lost an entire hour. The last thing he remembered was hanging up on Dr. Dobson and setting his alarm to go off in an hour so he wouldn’t forget. He was losing his mind.

He’d faced the horror of Drake. He’d faced the fear of imprisonment and the horrors of his brother’s past. He’d faced the guilt of a murderer even when he had no regrets. He’d faced the regrets of years of abusive words and sentiments he could never take back. He’s faced so much that shook him, and yet it’s the battle of his sexuality that has him losing his mind.

He forcibly shook the thoughts and memories away before leaving the dorm.

Dr. Dobson’s office was a slight relief. Aaron found himself comforted by the obsessive organization. He felt calmer inside as his eyes roamed the room taking in the extremely cleaned and organized space. Betsy was smiling warmly at him, used to his need to absorb the calm clean feeling of her room before he filled it with his chaotic emotions. The angry fire within him filling every inch until he was suffocating.

He wasn’t angry today though. He couldn’t describe this feeling. He said as much to her.

“Let’s start from the beginning. When did this feeling start?” Her questions were always accompanied by a gentle smile.

Aaron opened his mouth to tell her about Kevin’s laugh that curled around Aaron’s being and soothed his anger, his fear, his hatred, his unfathomable fire that was always raging. And yet what left his mouth was something more honest and accurate than he’d been ready to admit to her or himself.

“The first time it happened was at Eden’s. Kevin was drunk and smiling like an idiot. We’d just beaten Riko. Neil had yet to tell him what happened after the game. It was the last night for weeks that Kevin smiled.” He zoned out after that, remembering the weeks and weeks of Kevin’s grief for his abuser, and subsequent self-loathing for grieving a monster.

He blinked and the memories faded away, “Uh, anyways. Nicky was bragging about how hot he looked that night and how well he was dancing, and I mumbled “Okay, Narcissus” under my breath. Kevin spit his drink all over Nicky because he was laughing so hard. I hadn’t even realized that was why he was laughing until he placed his hand on my arm and smiled at me.”

The memory came easily to him. It was one of the best nights of his life. Kevin’s shoulders never drooped, his eyes never looked down. He was finally happy and confident and it was a goddamn beautiful sight.

Dr. Dobson’s voice startled him out of the memory, “That was over a year ago. What brought you here, honey?”

He felt the small smile that bloomed on his lips at her warm tone and her endearment. He stopped hiding when he was pleased months ago. Especially to the doc.

“I know what it is. You do too. It used to only happen when he smiled at me or laughed with joy. I can’t get it to go away anymore.  It was an infatuation. I couldn’t stop noticing how pleasing he is to look at. Here lately I day dream about wiping away his tears, about having his arms around me, about his laugh and how it smooths something broken inside me. That is not infatuation. That’s not even a crush. I think I’m in love with Kevin.” The words tumbled out of him in a flash flood.

Bee didn’t react, like the good therapist she was. She just watched him, the eye of his emotional storm. At some point he’d pulled his legs up and began to rock back and forth. He pulled the collar of his shirt over his nose to hide his quivering chin.

“Are you struggling with being in love with Kevin as you said or is this m ore about the question of your sexuality?” Betsy asked once he’d settled somewhat.

“I have always been able to appreciate the beauty in the people around me. Male or female. I have felt the urge to kiss guys before, but I was usually drunk at the time and horny.” Discussing being sexually frustrated was uncomfortable to Aaron who still struggled with talking about any form of physical affection, but he pushed on regardless, “I’ve only had an honest to god crush one other time. Why Kevin this time? Why a man? I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Betsy smiled at him and said, “Let’s talk about the fluidity of sexuality, specifically the fluidity in bisexuality."

 

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Possibly_

**Author's Note:**

> Your local garbage friend is back with another kevaaron song fic. So this was half finished for weeks before I decided that if I finished the song it'd be h u g e and honestly just knowing that made me not want to devote the time to writing it. I know. I'm weak. I'm sorry if this feel half finished. I just can't stare at it anymore.


End file.
